So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
