brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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