Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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