I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
