so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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