Porn is love you can see.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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