I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
