Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
