Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
