Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
