i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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