During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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