A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
