Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
God, I missed his penis.
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