I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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