a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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