tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
