Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
