Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
