In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
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