The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
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So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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