My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
