There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
