Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
