Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
