so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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