I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
