Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
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i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
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We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.