What a fucking waste of an outfit
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still