Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
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Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
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I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.