He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Randomize
