I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
