So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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