I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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