I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
