So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
