Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
