Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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