I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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