What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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