u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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