he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
