He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
