Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
