Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
even my farts smell like vagina
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
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