I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
barbara walters just said penis...
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
