So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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