Those balls look pretty dangerous.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
pray to the hookup gods
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
