I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Are my feet made of real feet?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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