There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
