tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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