I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
