I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
