my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
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