Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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