you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
