I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
